February 19, 2013
From my cousin: "At 9:45pm my Mother let go of my hand and took the hand of God. I read somewhere that grief was the price we paid for love, today that price was almost unbearable. I feel better knowing that she is with all the other people we love so much that have passed into Heaven."
I too sat beside my father's bed as he took his last breaths. We sang hymns and talked and laughed and remembered good times. And we cried.
Much of those days and weeks are a blur to me. He was sick for a very long time, but that last illness came on fast. It also happened days after I had major surgery. With so many life choices based upon my health in the past few years, I was blessed, indeed to be able to be at his bedside with my husband and children.
We have to let go of the things we can not change and treasure those memories we have to hold onto.
From my cousin: "At 9:45pm my Mother let go of my hand and took the hand of God. I read somewhere that grief was the price we paid for love, today that price was almost unbearable. I feel better knowing that she is with all the other people we love so much that have passed into Heaven."
I too sat beside my father's bed as he took his last breaths. We sang hymns and talked and laughed and remembered good times. And we cried.
Much of those days and weeks are a blur to me. He was sick for a very long time, but that last illness came on fast. It also happened days after I had major surgery. With so many life choices based upon my health in the past few years, I was blessed, indeed to be able to be at his bedside with my husband and children.
We have to let go of the things we can not change and treasure those memories we have to hold onto.
The night is so much darker;
The wind is so much colder;
The world I see is so much bigger
Now that I'm alone.
Papa, please forgive me.
Try to understand me;
Papa, don’t you know I had no choice?
Can you hear me praying,
Anything I'm saying
Even though the night is filled with voices?
I remember everything you taught me
Every book 1've ever read...
Can all the words in all the books
Help me to face what lies ahead?
The trees are so much taller
And I feel so much smaller;
The moon is twice as lonely
And the stars are half as bright...
Papa, how I love you...
Papa, how I need you.
Papa, how I miss you
Kissing me good night...
http://www.stlyrics.com/lyrics/yentl/papacanyouhearme.htm
The wind is so much colder;
The world I see is so much bigger
Now that I'm alone.
Papa, please forgive me.
Try to understand me;
Papa, don’t you know I had no choice?
Can you hear me praying,
Anything I'm saying
Even though the night is filled with voices?
I remember everything you taught me
Every book 1've ever read...
Can all the words in all the books
Help me to face what lies ahead?
The trees are so much taller
And I feel so much smaller;
The moon is twice as lonely
And the stars are half as bright...
Papa, how I love you...
Papa, how I need you.
Papa, how I miss you
Kissing me good night...
http://www.stlyrics.com/lyrics/yentl/papacanyouhearme.htm
I wrote the following that same day..
I dreamt of my father, a vision in white, coming out of the bushes and hugging me. He didn’t say anything, he just hugged me. After that, the first thing I saw on Facebook was the notice, from Greg James, about Aunt Veronica.
My memories, of course, immediately intertwined the two of them together. For some reason, I am drawn to memories of Veronica calling. She wouldn’t ask for Greg or to speak to my father.
She would say, “I want to talk to my Big Brother.”
After all these years, I have yet to know how to properly express the depth of my sympathy to someone. But, deep in heart, I believe we will see these people, whom we love so dearly, again. All of the sadness, loneliness and despair will be gone.
And all that will remain is JOY.
In the meantime, in amongst all of our sorrows, Aunt Veronica is celebrating with her heavenly family.
June 13, 2012
My father at 82~~he passed away three years ago, yesterday.
It's been years since the kids have grown,
a life of their own, left us alone.
You know that old trees just grow stronger,a life of their own, left us alone.
and old rivers grow wilder every day,
ah, but, but old people, they just grow lonesome
waiting for someone to say, "Hello in There. Hello."
http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/bettemidler/hellointhere.html
I wonder, sometimes, if things ever will get better. Spring
is always bad, for memories and what not. June 12th ends a couple of months of
emotional ups and downs.
But...are we old? Sometimes
it feels like we do not have much left anymore!
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